Today, Taylor Milam joins us for our weekly Friday series on women’s money issues in honor of Women’s Money Week, which will take place January 1-7, 2017. Taylor’s story reminds us that financial decisions aren’t always about math—there’s a lot more to life than numeric calculations.
Please use the hashtag #WMWeek17 when sharing this story.
When I think about my relationship with money, there are a lot of things that come to mind—my relationship with my parents, feelings about myself and what I “deserve,” my career path and the people I love. What I don’t often think about, though, is the fact that I’m in a same-sex relationship.
But the truth is that it’s all connected. Who we are—our family, our history, our relationships and our health all interconnect with our money. In some ways, they are irrevocably combined. But despite the interconnectivity, there are some things that are impossible to quantify or explain with numbers.
Personal Finances as a Woman in a Same-Sex Relationship
According to the statistics I can tell you that my partner and I will each earn $1 million less than our male counterparts. I can also tell you that because we are in a relationship with each other (two women,) the gender wage gap will doubly affect us and we will not be able to “earn” back part of the difference in pay from a male partner.
I can also tell you that even though it’s cheaper, it often feels (and actually is) more difficult and unsafe to live in a small, rural town when you’re gay. My $1500 one-bedroom apartment in Southern California would cost me $470 in Wichita, Kansas and $750 in Louisville, Kentucky.
But what I can’t adequately tell you is what it’s like to be stared at and jeered at when you walk down the street with the person you love. I can’t explain what it’s like to be fearful that your relationship status could cost you your job. I can’t assign a value to those experiences and worries.
Making Choices Contextualized by Lived Experience
In many ways, it is impossible to quantify the experience of being gay.
It’s an experience that I’ve struggled to write about because I’m not sure what to say. It’s not an experience that I chose, but it’s one that I live. In the same way that I can’t control where I was born or how I look, I can’t control who I fall in love with, but it’s a part of my life nonetheless.
My relationship is a beautiful part of my life that brings me more joy than is possible to explain, but it comes with a financial price. It comes with strategic choices about what to mention to colleagues, which neighborhoods are accepting and what cities would be welcoming to our future children.
But these financial choices aren’t based in numbers or facts. They are based on lived experience, bravery and fears.
And sometimes, those are the most important financial concepts to talk about…even if you’re not exactly sure what to say.