Category Archives: Family Finance

The Intersection of Islamophobia and Domestic Violence

Note: This post may contain triggers for those who have been in abusive relationships or been through sexual assault.

The month of October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. To highlight the issues that victims face physically, emotionally and economically, Femme Frugality will be discussing the issue every Friday. We will do this through a mix of stories, conversations and factual articles. To help raise awareness, please use the hashtag #DVAM when sharing these articles.

Wow. I never thought about how outside prejudice might affect a woman's ability to report domestic violence. This is such an important read.

Domestic abuse is an epidemic-level problem in our society. The complexities of the dangers you find yourself in when you are being abused make it hard to leave. To report. To recover.

These problems are compounded, however, when you’re a member of a marginalized group. Today, we’ll look at some excerpts from The Feminist Financial Handbook, which comes out Monday and is currently 33% off for preorders.

In this section of the book, I was honored and humbled that Nour Naas–a survivor and advocate–shared her story and perspective as a Muslim woman who has lost her mother to domestic violence. Here are just some of her perspectives on how Islamophobia compounds the problem of reporting–both within a community and to authorities–and the economic effects of abuse.

“After my mother passed away, I didn’t want to talk about it,” says Naas. “The Muslim community is already targeted in so many ways through stereotyping and policies. I didn’t want to add to it. There are really obvious ones like invading all these Muslim countries and occupying their lands, speaking about people from or in those countries as primitive, saying things like, ‘We’re there to save them,’ and giving people this concept that these people are different from us, living in a backwards culture. But there are also stereotypes about Muslim men and women that make it hard to talk about. Men are supposedly violent and patriarchal; women submissive and in need of saving. You don’t want to reinforce any of that.”

Naas notes that Islamophobia is at times also in evidence at the institutional level, creating a mistrust of law enforcement that affects victims’ decision to report. In the Muslim community, mosques have been surveilled by law enforcement. Racial profiling is widespread. The police haven’t been on your side so far—why would they help now?

“Not having finances to leave your abuser is the number one reason women don’t leave,” says Naas. “They would have nothing to survive on. It’s a source of a lot of people’s depression when they’re in that situation. When you don’t have resources to leave, it just makes people feel hopeless.”

“You’re not in a state of mind to do anything because of those psychological scars,” Naas explains [about returning to work after escaping abuse]. “There’s a stigma attached to what a victim goes through. It can impact a person’s work performance or their ability to bring in an income at all. Women who are in these situations will sometimes resort to drugs or drinking, etc., to cope with the pain. That ends up being where all their money goes.”

Today, Naas is a political science major at UC Berkeley. About a year ago, she took her first training to be a domestic violence advocate and has been serving as a volunteer in her communities ever since. She has a special place in her heart for marginalized women— especially Muslim women. She is launching a new effort to create safe spaces for these survivors to share their stories and get help.

“Talking about domestic violence and making people aware can help get rid of the stigmas we have around it,” she explains. “That way, if this is happening, you know you just need to tell someone that it’s happening. We need a community of people who will help— who know it’s not okay either. That attitude is not really there in the Muslim community or in most of the country, for that matter.”

To learn more about Nour, visit her website. From there, you’ll be able to find her social media channels. You can also get more of the context of her comments and some potential financial recovery solutions in the book.

If you purchase, please leave a review on Amazon! It will help us get Nour’s important story and perspective out to more people.

 

Related Domestic Abuse Content

To learn more about domestic violence or abuse, or to find more ways to get help, check out other articles in this series:

medicaid domestic abuse

Applying for Health Insurance as Domestic Violence Survivor

As a domestic violence survivor, you qualify for a special enrollment period at any time of year thanks to the ACA. Apply on the marketplace today.

domestic violence advocate

The Intersection of Islamophobia and Domestic Violence

Nour Naas shares her important story and perspective on domestic violence and how marginalized groups face additional barriers when it comes to reporting.

supreme court

Economic Effects of Sexual Assault: A Case Study via Dr. Ford

What can we learn about the economic plight of sexual assault and domestic violence survivors from Dr. Ford's testimony? As it turns out, a lot.

Domestic abuse can take many forms, including child abuse and economica abuse. This is Dr. Burke's story of overcoming identity theft as a survivor.

Economic Abuse: Silent Epidemic of Abused Children

Survivors of childhood abuse encounter unique challenges, even in the realm of economic abuse. Read Dr. Kenisha Burke's story of overcoming identity theft.

The Silver Lining Behind My Debt

There is a lot of stigma around debt. There is a lot of stigma around domestic abuse. But debt is a useful tool that can help you become a survivor.

8 Signs You May Be in an Abusive Relationship

Many abuse victims don't realize their relationship is unhealthy until it is too late. Here are red flags to watch for from a domestic violence survivor.

LGBTQ+ Intimate Partner Violence

Unique Economic Obstacles for LGBTQ+ IPV Survivors

While intimate partner violence happens at a comparable rate in the LGBTQ+ community, survivors face additional financial barriers.

long term effects of ptsd

The Long-Term Financial Effects of PTSD

PTSD affects combat veterans and survivors of domestic abuse alike. Learn what it can do to your finances, and what you can do about it.

Getting Help: LGBTQ+ Domestic Violence Survivors

Domestic violence does happen in the LGBTQ+ community. Here's how to get help if you need it, and how society can better help survivors.

You could be the victim of financial abuse even if you're the primary breadwinner.

Financial Abuse: My Partner Nearly Drained Me Dry

Financial abuse doesn't just happen when a partner tries to limit your income; it can also happen when they try to take over the money you're bringing in.

8 Ways to Help Loved Ones in Abusive Relationships

Having a friend or family member who is in an abusive relationship is hard. This article gives you tips to help from a domestic violence survivor.

Feeling trapped in a relationship because of money

What is Financial Abuse?

Financial abuse is something many go through, but not all recognize it even as it's happening. Read on to learn how to identify this type of abuse.

Here's where you can find money to leave an abusive relationship.

I Have No Money: Leaving an Abusive Relationship

Leaving an abusive relationship is difficult, complex and nuanced. One major hurdle is finances. Lessen that problem with these resources and grants.

 

Marvel Universe Live is Surprisingly Affordable

This post is in collaboration with Feld Entertainment.

Spiderman and Black Panther

In the past, I’ve shared about a few trips to Disney on Ice shows. They’re extremely well done, and the tickets are shockingly affordable. Just make sure you eat beforehand and make sure the kids know they’re not going to get one of those enticing, light-up, spinning toys that cost an arm and a leg.

Or, if you’re going to get them a toy, at least buy it from that guy in the parking lot on the way in.

I digress. The shows have been phenomenal, and admission is the lowest I’ve seen for an event at Consol. I was thrilled to find out that one of the next big shows coming through town will be Marvel Universe, and doubly thrilled when Feld Entertainment offered me some tickets to check it out.

Marvel Universe Live

I came of age during a time when super hero movies were all the rage. Some of them were huge hits with me, and some of them left more to be desired. But generally speaking, I was always amped to check out the latest Marvel flick. That includes my latest Marvel movie experience of Black Panther, which was so relevant and so well done.

Now that I have kids, they’re pretty darn into Marvel, too. We even have a Spiderman chapter book we read every night. Needless to say, we’re all pretty excited to see this show when it comes to Pittsburgh later in the month:

Dates & Pricing

Here in Pittsburgh, tickets are $20-$23/each. That’s slightly more expensive than the Disney shows, but still surprisingly affordable for a show of this caliber.

Pittsburgh’s not the only town this show is coming through, though. Here are the upcoming tour dates:

  • Albany, NY: October 4-7, 2018
  • Youngstown, OH: October 12-14, 2018
  • Hamilton, ON: October 18-21, 2018
  • Pittsburgh, PA: October 25-28, 2018
  • Hartford, CT: November 1-4, 2018
  • Manchester, NH: November 8-11, 2018
  • Detroit, MI: November 15-18, 2018
  • Hershey, PA: November 23-25, 2018
  • Allentown, PA: November 28-December 2, 2018
  • Nashville, TN: December 6-9, 2018
  • Huntsville, AL: December 14-16, 2018
  • North Charleston, SC: December 20-23, 2018
  • Southaven, MS: December 28-30, 2018
  • Sunrise, FL: January 10-13, 2019
  • Miami, FL: January 17-21, 2019
  • Charlotte, NC: January 25-27, 2019
  • Columbia, SC: February 1-3, 2019
  • Birmingham, AL: February 7-10, 2019
  • Atlanta, GA: February 17-18, 2019
  • Duluth, GA: February 22-24, 2019
  • Little Rock, AR: March 8-10, 2019
  • Fairfax, VA: March 22-31, 2019
  • San Juan, PR: May 29-June 2, 2019

Super excited to go to this in a few weeks and let you know what my kids and I thought of this affordable, high-production show!

How I Save Money in the Fall

This post is in collaboration with Mention Me.

Pumpkin patches, halloween costumes, leaf piles and holiday shopping...so many ways to save money in the fall!

I’m in love with transition season. Fall. Spring. Nothing’s too hot or too cold, and that period of change is always ironically exciting for me.

But Fall’s on its way, so we’ll focus all of our attention to turning leaves and pumpkin spice everything today. There are a lot of things you can drop money on during this season, but I’ve found some ways to keep my costs down without sacrificing the fun.

I don’t stop playing outside.

Whether it’s me or the me and the kids, I like to spend time outdoors in the Fall. I prefer it to Summer, actually. I like the idea of heat, but not the reality.

By going on walks and hikes, building and jumping in leaf piles or going for a random trip to the playground, we not only manage to get outdoors and stay active, but we also get to have a ton of fun for free.

I start shopping for the holidays.

Nothing is worse than getting to December and having to buy all the gifts. Nobody’s budget can handle that. While I try to pick up things throughout the entire year as I find good deals on things I know people will love, September is when I start kicking things into high gear so I’m not buying everything on one paycheck. There are tons of ways to save money as you shop–especially online. For example, you can browse some of the best online deals at Sello.

I don’t go to the most expensive pumpkin patch.

I’m really lucky that here in Western Pennsylvania, we have a ton of pumpkin patches to choose from. There’s one really popular one in my region laden with cute, farm-themed playgrounds and tons of seasonal foods you can purchase in addition to your hayride.

I don’t go to that one.

And there are a couple reasons why. First, it’s super popular and therefore super expensive. Secondly, I kind of hate the vibe. There are people everywhere, an upsell around every corner and the constant fear that one of my kids is going to run into the crowd and disappear.

So I go to a calmer farm, about two miles down the road. They didn’t even start charging for hay rides up to the patch until a couple years ago, and even now that fee is nominal. They have a hay barn with a slide inside for the kids and a corn maze by the pumpkin patch which is always fun and never overcrowded.

I weigh DIY vs store-bought Halloween costumes.

Halloween costumes can get pretty pricey. Depending on what my kids want to be, I’ll check out what’s available at stores (including kids’ resale stores) and then compare that to how much it would cost me to make a costume myself. So far, we’ve been about 50/50 on this. About half the years I’ve made costumes, and then the other half going store bought was cheaper. You really have to do the math, though, because DIY is not always the most cost-effective option!

How do you save money in the Fall?

I’m not a coffee drinker, so I don’t know the best ways to save on pumpkin spice lattes. I also live in one particular climate. So I’m interested to hear your savings tricks for the fall, too! Leave them in the comments below!

 

Shopping for a Family Car: What to Keep in Mind

This post is brought to you and contributed by an outside writer.

TIps for family car shopping

When you’re buying a family car, there’s a lot of factors you need to consider. The features
you’ll need are a lot different to the ones you’d typically need if you were buying a car just
for you.

It can be tricky trying to identify the best family car to fit your needs. So, to make your
search that little bit easier, here you’ll discover the key things to keep in mind when shopping
for a family car.

Size and pushchair compatibility

The size of the car is going to play a major role in its suitability as a family vehicle. You need
to ensure it has plenty of interior space, along with a generous boot size to comfortably fit a
pushchair into. It’s actually recommended that you take a pushchair with you to double check
it fits before deciding which model to go with.

Another thing you might not have thought to check is the width of the doors. It’s pretty much
a no-brainer that you’ll be opting for a 5-door model, but few parents think to check how
wide the doors actually open up. You’re going to need a good amount of space to maneuver
a child car seat into the back, so wide-opening doors are definitely a huge plus when buying a
family car!

Top features to look out for

As well as plenty of space, a family car should also have a few other key features. These
include:

  • Fuel efficiency
  • Reliability
  • Safety
  • Quiet

Family cars aren’t always known for their great fuel efficiency. However, if you stay away
from 4×4 models, you should be able to find one that’s built with fuel efficiency in mind.

You’ll also obviously want to ensure it is reliable and safe. You can double check the specs
of the model you’re looking at, as well as read online reviews to see just how safe and
reliable it is. Then of course, you’ll want a car that’s quiet to drive so the kids can easily fall
asleep.

Where to buy?

You can buy your new family car either online or offline. It could be a good idea to go and
view various models at a local dealership. Then, once you know what model you want, take
your search online. You’ll often get much better deals online from sites such as Imperial Car
Supermarkets.

Overall, there’s a lot to look out for when you’re buying a family car. The above is some of
the less common things you may not have thought to look into. The key is to take your time
and compare different models through online reviews.

Upgrade from a Toddler Bed on the Cheap

#spon Wow---definitely checking out the Big Price Drop at Mattress Firm!!!

 

Do you remember when we were buying a crib for our baby? We went with a very specific type in order to save us money long term.

It was good planning, but what we didn’t know at the time was that we would be living in two separate houses by the time we really needed to upgrade our youngest’s bed situation. While the convertible crib/bed is still at dad’s house, I recently had to upgrade my child from a toddler bed to a big-kid bed in my own domicile.

I was a little bit worried it was going to be crazy expensive, but luckily, I was able to complete the project for under $250. Here’s how that worked.

The Bed

Ikea Bed Reivew

I looked for a bed at the garage sale we went to this spring, but the only thing people were selling was toddler beds. Oh, the irony.

So I went to that place where all shoppers seeking cheap furniture go: Ikea. I found a double bed including the wooden slats that substitute for a box spring for about $197.

When I got it home, the Ikea instructions said I would need two people to put the bed together, but I just had me. Determined to prove the pictorial manual wrong, I successfully built the bed solo. Because I have mad mom power and am just really good at putting things together period.

The Mattress

sleepys slumber at mattress firm

A few years ago, we got a king-sized bed from Mattress Firm and loved it. It’s pretty darn firm, which is exactly what we needed. We loved it, and I see it lasting for many years to come.

We needed something different for the child’s needs, though; we were looking for something plush. I was thrilled when Mattress Firm offered to send me a full-sized Sleepy’s Slumber Plush for review purposes.

They deliver the mattress to your door, even setting it up for you if that’s what you’d like. The delivery men were professional and nice, and actually showed up in the time frame I was given! (Take note, cable company…)

The kiddo was so excited when they saw their new mattress. As the name indicates, it’s incredibly plush–like sleeping on a cloud. It was a real treat for them after they had been complaining of discomfort from the toddler mattress.

Sleepys slumber mattress plush

I wasn’t kidding! It even LOOKS like you’re sleeping on a cloud!

I know I’m incredibly fortunate to have gotten a mattress for free, and that it’s not something you’ll be able to replicate. However, over the years I’ve found Mattress Firm to not only sell great products, but to sell them at great prices.

For example, right now you can get a mattress for a heavily discounted price during The Big Price Drop. All mattresses are priced down a size, so if you bought a king, you’d only pay for a queen. If you bought a queen, you’d only pay for a twin.

That’s a crazy amount of savings on a great product—hop on it while it lasts!

The Bedding

target bedding

I got some super cute sheets from Target for the bedding. They cost $30, but I had a $25 gift card bringing the grand total down to $5.

I’m in the process of making them a quilt from clothes they have beat up and outgrown, but it’s not quite finished yet. The only cost on that should be the backing material and the batting.

Since I’m not done, kiddo is borrowing one of my duvets for the time being. But expect an update on that quilt soon!

Upgrading from a Toddler Bed on the Cheap

Kids are so expensive. But there are ways to cut those costs down. While the convertible crib was plan A, I was able to keep things affordable by shopping at Ikea as plan B.

The mattress needed to be quality as they’ll probably have it until they’re 18 or older, so I wanted to make sure I didn’t skimp. I was fortunate to work with Mattress Firm, and the reason I’m doing so is because they can save you a ton of money while providing you with a quality mattress to boot. Be sure to take advantage of their Labor Day Sale—you’ll get way more than what you pay for!

By shopping with a gift card and putting my basic sewing skills to work, the bedding will come to under $30 by my current estimate—which is pretty fantastic considering the sheets alone cost that much without the gift card.

On top of all this, my child is excited. They have a super comfortable big-kid bed with sheets that express their interests. The complaining about the discomfort has stopped since we switched out of the toddler bed. It’s nice to know that this big expense is out of the way for years to come, and that the kiddo will be having sweet dreams all the while.

 

How did you update your toddler’s bed? Have any extra frugal tips?